In a space of less than a year I’ve shifted base three times! There’s nothing that could have prepared me enough for the adjustments I’ve made, not conversations about them, not seeing others make them, absolutely nothing but my very self, going on my own journey and it’s taught me that I really wasn’t who I thought I was, I had always been ready.

Hi fam, I hope you’ve been good over the week? Yes, I’m switching this up a bit because I came to realize that more responsibility has been added to my life other than the norm I had always circled around (the creative, entertainment and entrepreneurial space). This not just because I became a wife but a ‘military wife’ (trust me, I dislike cliches as much as you probably do but I do understand that’s exactly what or where I am also). That in a very new but beautiful way (thankful to God) took my life in a direction which has opened me up to how much more of me I didn’t know was yet to be released. My focus in this post though is one concern I had when I understood more clearly the nature of my husband’s job and the adjustments it may require from me and that was in regard to building ‘home’; a place where presence, love, peace is felt, where we could both grow and not miss out on the crucial time to know ourselves for real first, under the same circumstances – pressure, wins, differences, community etc and not just have a ‘family house’. I definitely wondered about this a lot because all I knew about the military was ‘duty calls, you answer’, how the heck was I going to have this home in the first, second and even third year of marriage? In these graciously beautiful ten months being with my best friend I’ve answered some how’s.

1.Let God lead: Should we have gone ahead with our plan in draft and not submitted it back to Daddie for His okay, change or complete rebuttal, I know today I would have been farther apart from my husband and not just in geography but in connection because by our proposed plan Abuja was our first location for home. We never struggled when my next lead was to up and leave Abuja (my family base) for Lagos when nothing was clearly put in place for Lagos yet! I’m so grateful our personal walk with God was trusting enough already to know that it doesn’t have to make sense when Daddie says go but when He does, He goes ahead so there’s nothing He’s not put into consideration. When He said Calabar and that shook me a bit because of my career, just getting in and trying to stabilize, same applied and in this He has shown so much mercy and grace to us that I’m not shaken anymore about a move. He’s started opening us to see the beauty of readiness with him and how considerate He actually is, even more than we could ever be concerned about ourselves. The bond and partnership we now have (my husband and I), I know I didn’t even pray for that, obedience rewarded me.

2.Not losing myself: I haven’t ever tried to fit into any narrative, heard, seen or welcomed just because of titles. All the adjustments, changes, improvements, defining etc was and still is the responsibility of my heavenly father. I let myself be me, connected to my source, holding on to the family that have been my rock first, not jump into any pressure to work where I wasn’t sent to prove anything. Even if that made me appear to myself slower on growth, I had my conversation with my father and let it go. God bless me, my husband has had his own growth process and now in marriage keeps showing me how much he really is mine because I’ve never felt any pressure from him. We walk it together and he let me be me and grow. We always say as women, especially if we’ve been very independent for a long while that no man will make me do x y z, if I don’t want to when I get married, I speak for myself when I say this but I do not speak ignorantly regardless – when you are married to someone you love and should you have some value for home and not just a knowledge that you’re no longer single, there is a really fine line, very thin I dare say when it comes to compromise and should you be with the wrong person, loosing yourself most likely will begin to happen.

3.Tapping into my network of strong women: On this journey I’ve been introduced to more beautiful, goal getting women who’ve indirectly reminded me just by being in their space how strong I am. I see more that they are actually the strength these men showcase (I’m not demeaning the sacrifices they make or the lessening the authority at their command as men in the force) but you don’t know, you don’t really know what it means until it is close home. I mean, who can argue with the strength of a woman? Nobody should. Now add holding the forte where major changes can happen in literal seconds; strong women I tell you. Having another family of awesome ladies sharing similar yet unique journeys like this, doesn’t make me feel like a stranger.

4.Deliberateness in my environment: Keeping my mind set on now has made sure that I’m home no matter where ‘house’ is. I actually love this so much because this really does say much about my acceptance of my ‘current’ on my journey. I have expectations and I’m building towards a lot but as my Father leads, in stillness, peace, a sense of safe and because of this it’s easy to see how much home means more to my husband as well. I’m still as attached to cleaning myself as I had always been before marriage (my spec I would call it); it’s almost as if that’s a sign that i’ve accepted a place as mine, a house as my home.

5.Marrying your partner: I’ve come to say this a lot now and for free – Don’t aspire to marriage if you don’t care that they are your God given life partners, it’s worth it when it’s yours! Again, this is my word, which I am confident to defend. 10 months of radical changes, unexpected tests and surprises, heat from outside and the one place after the presence of God that I would crave for is my home because I have a friend who shares every detail of this journey with me hand locked, present and on standby.

It’s certainly been a rude awakening from my norm, but it’s been the perfect tale to demystify that scare I once entertained of being married to a military personnel and I know we’d all have our unique stories and journeys, but I hope that a little of my share goes a long way in reminding some lady possibly like me, that there’s beauty where your ‘home’ is.




  1. This is really a beautiful read Mofoluwakemi (Esteemed unique military wife). You’re my Home because this is where my heart lives 💎


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