I mentioned I would be very intentional about my next Instagram post and here it is fam, that very intentional article leading to my proposal on the 27th November, 2021.
I trust you guys have been good yea? If you don’t mind me asking, how would you rate your year on a scale of 1-10 and for whatever you choose, care to share why? Please do feel free, you’ve been with me on this life journey of mine and for everyone of you who reads my hearts spill, you’re closer to me than you can imagine, so let’s share, let’s grow.
Experience has taught me that one of the toughest virtues to have in life is patience and gratitude. Being able to smile through pain, You know how you watch these intense scenes in films where somebody the hero loves is being hurt or brutalized and the hero has to maintain a poker stance so as not to disclose some information that could destroy the whole world or something lol… yea, those deeper levels with God where He may be demanding you stay grateful for what to you really is very little or almost nothing good because everything else is literally breaking down in your existence – gratitude through the rough!
This was daddies (God’s) love note to me on the 30th of November, 2019 when I and my beautiful heart of a sister Lulu decided to go for an end of the year worship concert called ‘unusual praise’ at Freedom way, Lagos, Nigeria. I got this exactly as Nathaniel Bassey was ministering (I was already soberly waiting for him to come on stage, he is a man that has an undeniable experience with the Holyspirit, one that cannot be missed). I wanted to transcend and just connect with worship so pure, the kind that takes you to the holies of holies, where my spirit would be full and all that mattered would be the safety of my fathers presence, I just wasn’t prepared for the love He poured out in the minutes following through this love letter I got.
I broke down in tears when I was done writing what was pouring out through my hand and I hadn’t read to understand it fully just yet, I only knew what hit me and I tapped my sister to let her know I had received what I was there for amidst every other ‘schedule’ that night. The year 2019 was my toughest year in life! Sure there were indeed moments of beauty and memories I’m truly grateful for but this was also because God was intentional about who I spent this reforming time with; Lulu and I shared in the ‘independence’ lessons and made the most happy experiences while at it. We both were willing to understand the assignment, she pushed me and never allowed me crouch so low from the weight that I’d forget how to raise my head high and stand still in Daddies presence (thank you Lu’). It was in this tough I began to appreciate much more the simple experiences of life. Leaving my comfort zone I was just accepting truly that I was meant to be in Lagos and not running home to Abuja. Mehn, 2019! A year my mum and I went through events that made me struggle so much not to be angry and rebellious at God because I felt I had every right to with Him since He could care less about His children who continuously keep plunging head first in obedience and love for Him. This same year starting a new business, learning and building it up to a worthy brand as inspired while still trying to sustain myself with integrity in ‘desperate’ Lagos, not depending or begging anyone and conscious to be financially supportive on our journey without falling back to anyone not even my mum – total independence. A year we learnt how dubious and scamming Lagos agents and Landlords can be, exploiting young ladies/tenants who mirror their own integrity on them and trust simple transactions; the very stupid (not even an insult, just truth) agent/landlord put my sis and I through so much discomfort and stress, we started seeking legal. Same year I came to discover some irritating and heartbreaking information in my relationship, a relationship that had given me so much hope and beauty through the past year up till that moment of discovery, 2019; this same human causing me shades of pain I could never have credited him and so instantaneously I promise I had no strength to do nothing but leave and shut all access. My world was on a desperate mission to choke me lifeless. I literally had no breather but for the ones we decided to carelessly enforce ourselves! See ehn 2019, I cried in our closet, I cried in the cab somedays, I cried in the bathroom, I locked up a lot and I cried A LOT! lol. However to be fair, daddie was never actually silent, I had just gotten so carried away in dealing this new trajectory of life that I stopped paying usual attention so I was lackadaisical where power was needed and then struggling more to believe Him and all He had said He would do. The signature scent in this sucker potpourri of my life that daddie reiterated was always – gratitude! In all things, my father wanted me to stay grateful because He alone knew the beauty He had set up ahead that I couldn’t see. How could I now… are you seeing these problems lmao!
Chadwick Bosman said “Sometimes you need to feel the pain and sting of defeat to activate the real passion and purpose that God predestined inside of you….The struggles along the way are only meant to shape you for your purpose”. Through the intense stress, I locked myself up at different hot points and asked my father to help me. I asked Him to help my heart, help me not to switch up, not to care less, not to love less, to get His lessons quicker and above all be STILL and let Him do Him. He wasn’t going to break me and not mold me into the most beautiful instrument of value not just for myself but for others? No now, I couldn’t take that? Not as far as I had watched Him do better by others, not as far as I still choose to believe because I had experienced His victory and love still on my life’s journey, not as far as He was all I had and not as far as my amazing sisters and fam’ could help it; encouraging with scriptures, occasional check up calls and totally exaggerating little experiences of my joy and supporting me lmao, no now!
God really did walk me through still and I noticed I began to allow Him perfect this gratitude He asked from me. Honestly, gratitude while in the storm is not something you can just carnally will yourself, it’s a level of growth that requires a provoking surrender to God. Hence this love letter to me at that praise concert felt like my fathers acknowledgement of my consistent surrender despite. He had always been working but now He wanted me to have proof! It also gave me the audacity to let go and that’s exactly what I did. I let go of everything I had no control of, even what I could try to control. I didn’t want to try anymore, I let go boldly and decided I won’t be looking back. He’s gone ahead of me shey? So anything He wanted on my journey with me go meet me for front, na to trust and say ‘tenz’ lol. His ways will never be my ways and quite frankly, I’m still grateful for that fact.
By 2020 and up till this posts publishing, God has been absolutely faithful to every single one of His promises. I now understand that He allowed me this reminder just about the same 30th of November 2021 to see for myself (John 14:29, Habakkuk 2:2-3) that every aspect I felt pain, He restored in full and with an overflow. The fact that my sisters and fiancée planned this proposal the way they did surprising my mum and myself, especially this! Made it clear this was just custom made for me. Everything was to be honest. The ring, my outfit (last minute), the scenery, the entirety of that day and moment; simple, beautiful, intentional and rewarding. The woman I have become, the love I give and that which is around me, my home, my family, this proposal definitely resounded. Until you know the story or partook of it, this can easily just be a cute proposal and gratefully so but, if you KNOW, you’ll understand why nothing can be downplayed.
So, am I still grateful? Absolutely! Would my fiancée and I go through challenges? Surely! But I’m at my truest and freest because I didn’t do this, Daddie did and He has never not finished what He started. This beauty is only one of the least we will experience as partners. We have both grown to listen, obey and trust God but most importantly be grateful as we grow. So, no matter the challenge ahead in this new and by God’s grace, 2019 taught us respectfully – GRATITUDE IS A MUST!
Thank you for reading this far and thank you for celebrating with myself and my family, the love was so much I spent at least two days after the weekend getting back to DM’s on my social platforms and fell sick a while too, I still wonder how now….. some of ya’ll even know I exist? Wawu! I truly pray that your spirit is yielded to see you can and should be grateful through what you’re going through as long as you’ve decided to trust your Heavenly Father about it, in ALL THINGS give God thanks – all and not some. He knows why and if you really love him, somehow that would be enough assurance for you. For celebrating me, may you be celebrated even more than you would be able to imagine.
With so much love:Jasminwryts