Hi fam, It’s been another long minute! Wagwaan?
I trust everyone who takes out time to follow on the blog and on my socials is safe, happy and growing! I can’t know the whole world but by one read, comment, share, like I’ve connected with you and I can only wish you every good thing I wish myself! Again thank you.
Can I ask you though, what’s your biggest fear right now and can you be honest about it? I’ll go first. My biggest fear right now is not accomplishing all the projects laid in my heart for my life’s course and letting go…
The Fears: So, on accomplishment – As I talked to God today while trying to study, I went through the minutes and directives laid in my heart a long time back for my journey and although quite a number of sections are ticked as completed and the foundation of others already laid, rather than a grateful heart, I felt so beat up! I felt so slow! How do I speed it up? I can’t jump over what’s already on ground so why do I feel so beat up? Why can’t it all be on course already? Am I no longer smart enough? I know by now I’m definitely not failing (thank God for the inner growth), but am I meeting Gods time target for my journey?
Letting go! Hmm, this can be a very sensitive area for me because I believe that up until a couple of weeks, I’ve been in denial by choice of changes I need to embrace in the next course of my journey and now more than ever! Denial might…. be a strong word though, so maybe I’ll call it being too comfortable and not accepting the direction my path is further opening towards. Is this because I pride myself in being independent of people and notions? Is it because I care just a little too much to be real with what is necessary now? Is it because I wear me so comfortably I feel so safe in her? Is it because I just want everyone happy someway, somehow?
The Realization: Somewhere on this growth I’ve convinced myself I know the final destination so I’m in control! What I also realized is that I got to this mentality without actually trying to be entitled, I got here just trying to do it all ‘nice’ and ‘right’! However, the Bible makes it clear that ‘if the Lord himself does not build a house the builders labour in vain and unless the Lord watches over a city, the watchmen/guards watch in vain’ – Psalm 127:1. Now that I’ve convinced myself that I have the full plan and I have the energy to do and get to the end of it, that I can watch and build and make God happy, It all of a sudden feels endless and I feel slow… so I let in fear.
Of course He wants nothing other than for me to have complete trust and dependence on no one else but Him however getting comfortable to the point that I don’t see anymore that ‘His ways are not my ways and His thought not my thoughts and as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are his ways and thoughts higher than mine’ – Isaiah 55:8-9, has gotten me to ‘see finish’ with him (lol, He’ll never let that happen) and I welcomed fear again.
The resolve: ‘God has not given me a spirit of fear but one of power, of love and a sound mind’ – 2Timothy 1:7
There is no change God wants me to embrace now that wouldn’t bring me peace, joy and lead me to fulfillment and I can trust His changes. My ‘nice’ thoughts can’t be nicer than His nice thoughts and His ‘right’ will always be more perfect because I’ve chosen HIM. He does the building and gives the plan out in stages, I just need to not stop moving and not stop being grateful but He, (not me) will get me to the end. He will fulfill me.
On the other side of fear is all you are meant to be. Don’t take for granted the peace you’re loosing or gaining.
RUN your race well!
I got my peace back by the way…
I enjoyed reading this piece. The God factor is soothing and reassuring . Thank you !!!!!
I’m happy to see that you did and it is reassuring. Thank you for telling!