You vs Fear!

Hey fam, can we get real this week? Well, I’m going to get real with you.

Reflecting on my life a bit, I’ve done quite a number of things afraid. I lost my dad and because of the uncertainty of my life as I knew it all the 8years before he died I couldn’t even cry, I just moved on to the life coming at me at the time with my mum, who had just literally hijacked me from what I knew (will always be grateful she did though). I think I had my first raw breakdown as an undergraduate (and it became a thing after that lol). While working at my 1st employed job as a customer experience officer, I had one client that was just hmmm and to be honest I believed after that transaction I was done at the company (I really wasn’t the problem, but the transaction was my responsibility and we were talking money that I could not have paid back except they retained me in that company just to pay me salary for at least 5months and collect it all back lol) but I had this lovely Team Lead ‘Christy’ (mehn she believed in me), she made me take the bold step of speaking directly to the CEO, oh God the fear! Not of him, he was pretty nice to me too but of failing; at my job, a customer and I wasn’t sure that because I was appreciated or liked, my gbese would just be waved off but alas it was and as if it never occurred. If you’ve ever walked a runway, you’ll probably already understand what it means to do something afraid; backstage chaos as a ‘Zahara Model’, getting dressed up in a rush to hit the platform and show off somebody’s sleepless nights work in mostly 6inch heels (of which I couldn’t even negotiate as a 5ft8inch model), the adrenaline rush, the thought of tripping especially with those longer flowy dresses, the fact that once your left leg goes first, it’s GO till the end, whatever happens you’re in the show, you’re also the show. All that and the day will still come to an end, no deaths recorded lol. There was me waiting for a response from the Bella Naija team after sending a submission article to be a featured writer; my very first time giving someone else other than select family access to me through writing and worse, awaiting their validation and thankfully I got accepted (thank you for the push Ojay)! Personal growth choices that stirred mixed emotions in my life circle; confusion, misconceptions, disregard, disappointments and actually loosing relationships. These choices have blessed my life so much and made me the woman I’m truly grateful and somewhat privileged to be but I took them afraid on no guarantees but my trust in God but at heavy costs. So many recollections that would change this from a blog to a book should I indulge but this is where I am heading to – No one is born courageous and even the ‘most courageous title’ is won by people who were afraid because should there be nothing to fear, no obstacle, no ‘what if’s or maybe’s’, then there would be nothing to measure courage and validate the win!

Recently one fear that’s held me bound is the fear of hurting others and I earned this fear because it seemed I failed them. It haunted me daily and fairly I’m okay that it did, I am not an excessive person, I put high value on what I call mine or accept in my space, I am extremely deliberate about what I care about, so having checks and balances will always be fine by me but for the first time, I wasn’t trying to overcome the fear, I was getting comfortable in it, allowing it swallow me, who I am and make me start believing I was somebody else other than who I truly am, believing in what my circumstance had to say about my person, there were some other contributions but thanks to my sister Lulu (who would sometimes literally bully me and have the longest conversations of ‘why not if not’ lol thanks Lu) and some others who just reminded me through their warmth that for them, it’s not the situation, it’s always the person, this was for the first time going to be an example I would have failed.

Fear is okay acknowledged; it is not however alright to be accepted a norm. Listen, you’ve never left your family and now you have to relocate or may need to consider relocation, you’re about to get married and you’re afraid of a lifetime commitment as this, you’re considering leaving a job, a relationship (of whatever kind), they just diagnosed you of an illness you only knew because you had to google what the doctor was saying, you’ve just gotten an appointment your qualifications don’t back up and even if they did, people say you can’t handle or believe so much in your ability to handle, that news just leaked and every second ticking is a grenade blowing off in your chest because of impending public opinion… In whatever scenario or situation, you find yourself reading this you must be frightened and should you not, doesn’t that just mean you are not yet aware the responsibility such a change would demand, doesn’t that mean you’re inhuman? It’s okay to be afraid but it’s best to conquer those fears, do it afraid!

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” Psalms 23:4 NIV

God never leaves you alone in fearful situations or in any situation for that matter, “I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19b). He’s there with you, through His spirit and through people He prepares for those times, but you’ll never see their advantage if you don’t choose to believe and keep going. God loves you so don’t lose to fear.

xoxo,

Jasminwryts